Archive for the ‘Dreams’ Category

Dream Job

Posted: August 1, 2012 in Dreams

I’ve always felt a little weird telling people about what I’ve wanted to do with my life. I think I’ve always had some pretty big dreams. When I was growing up I wanted to play in the NBA or some other sport depending on the time of year. I also wanted to be a musician. I’ve always loved music and have even enjoyed writing it for times.

So, I never would have imagined myself as an extremely overweight guy in his 30’s that never touches his guitar. But that’s where I find myself. I haven’t played my guitar in so long, that when I do pick it up, it feels weird and I struggle to remember how to play. And to even attempt to run causes my heart rate to rise. If you looked at me now, you probably wouldn’t think that I used to play basketball for a few hours a day sometimes. Let alone that I would often skip lunch in high school to play longer.

I feel like somewhere along the way I gave up on myself. I stopped caring what happened to me. I also stopped dreaming. Now I don’t see myself on a stage singing to people. The thought alone scares me. I’ve always had a little bit of stage fright. But it paralyzes me now. I’ve often felt like I should try joining my churches worship group. But I never can bring myself to talk to them, because it scares me so much to think about being up there in front of all those people.

That’s actually part of what inspired me to start this blog. I needed a place to store my thoughts and to get some feedback from other people. I’m not saying that anything I say is going to be earth shattering. But I want to start doing things again. I used to dream of so many things. Now I just dream about making it through another day.

For father’s day this year I had Jennifer buy me a copy of a book called “Quitter” by Jon Acuff. I haven’t really started to read it. But it’s about starting on the path to your dream job. Writing would be my dream job. Playing music would be my dream job. Writing music would be my dream job.

So, here’s to starting a new path on towards our dreams.

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So I think I’ve decided to try to write a little on here every night. Can’t promise it will happen. But I’m going to try. It may not always be coherent either, but that’s because I might be doing it in the middle of the night while everyone else is asleep. I’m also going to be trying to keep these fairly short. I read a lot of blogs and there are a few that just seem to get too long sometimes and I just don’t feel like reading all of that. So, I’m going to try not to put you through that either.

But what am I going to write about? I’m still not entirely sure. I know that I’d like to talk about my life as a stay at home dad, but I’d also like to talk about some other things.

Tonight I think I’m going to talk about the dreams that I’ve always had for my life and where some of them have gone off track.

I can honestly say that I never thought I would be where I am today. To be honest, I didn’t even think about the future very much until I met my wife in college. I never really wanted to be a dad. I truly didn’t even know if I wanted to make it to my 30th birthday. But that all changed when I met my wife. I could see myself growing old with her. I could see myself getting married and having kids. I now looked forward to the future and what it might hold.

But there is one thing that I think I forgot along the way. Finding a career path. I’ve never really known what I wanted to do with my life. And so as I’ve grown a little older and made it into my thirties, I find myself kind of floundering. Not sure what I want to do, or what I should do.

I was working part-time at Borders when we had our first kid. There was no way that with my ever lower hours there, that I would be able to even come close to paying for day care. So, we decided that it would be best for me to stay home. I can honestly say that this was probably the second best choice that I’ve made in my life. The first being to ask Jennifer to marry me.

But at the same time, I went into it very naive and blind. I’ve always had a passion for writing and playing music. So, I thought I would have all of this free time at home watching my son, that I would just be able to write music and stories. Start a blog or two. I would eventually start making a living doing this and be able to contribute to my family finances in some way.

But, as you’ll know if you’ve ever tried to get something done with a kid around, that was next to impossible.

Well, I think it’s time for me to head to bed. Need to get some sleep. I’m sure I’ll come back to this topic at some point in the future. But that’s all I have for tonight.

Thanks for reading.